


The Bandom Group Chat clusterfuck that nobody asked for

by Samthatonekidwhoshipsstuff



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Based off of my group chat, Group chat, Other, from chapter two onwards it's based on snippets of my group chat, i wish i was lying, kind of crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2019-10-19 00:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17591204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samthatonekidwhoshipsstuff/pseuds/Samthatonekidwhoshipsstuff
Summary: i was scrolling through my group chat when it suddenly occurred to me that my gc is basically a crack fic on it's own. so here we are. enjoy? i had fun writing this





	1. meet and greet our characters

**Brendon has started a group chat!**  
 **Brendon has invited Dallon, Ryan, Pete and Josh to the group chat!**  
 **Brendon has changed his name to Beebo**  
**Ryan:** what the fuck is this  
**Josh:** why don’t I get a fun nickname?  
**Beebo:** you can have a nickname  
**Beebo has changed Ryan’s name to Milk_Boi**  
 **Milk_Boi:** no.  
**Milk_Boi has changed their name to RyRo**  
 **RyRo has changed Beebo’s name to Satan**  
 **Satan:** I like it  
**Satan has changed Josh’s name to Alien_Fren**  
 **Satan has changed Pete’s name to Meme_Boi**  
 **Satan has changed Dallon’s name to Daddy long legs**  
 **Daddy long legs:** No.  
**Daddy long legs has changed their name to Dally long legs**  
 **Dally long legs:** I’ll give you that much.  
**Satan:** fine  
**Meme_Boi:** can I add my boyfriend?  
**Satan:** no  
**Alien_Fren:** go for it  
**Satan:** JOSH  
**Satan:** THIS IS MY CHAT  
**Alien_Fren has added Patrick to the chat!**  
 **Meme_Boi has added Mikey to the chat!**  
 **Patrick:** what is this  
**Alien_Fren:** wait, i thought you were with patrick  
**Meme_Boi:** I’ll explain later  
**Mikey has changed their nickname to UnicornBoi**  
 **UnicornBoi has added Gerard to the Chat!**  
 **Gerard:** Mikey what is this  
**UnicornBoi:** i don’t know yet, I was just added  
**Satan:** STOP ADDING PEOPLE TO MY CHAT!!!!  
**UnicornBoi:** no  
**UnicornBoi has added Frank to the chat!**  
 **Patrick:** wait, how come I don’t get a fun nickname?  
**Meme_Boi has changed Patrick’s name to Fedorable**  
 **Fedorable:** thx pete  
**Alien_Fren:** one more person? please  
**Satan:** uuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUGH  
**Alien_Fren:** please?  
**Satan:** fine  
**Alien_Fren has added Tyler to the chat!**  
 **Tyler** : JISHWA!!  
**Alien_Fren:** TyTy!!  
**RyRo:** are you two together?  
**Tyler:** shhhhhhh it’s a secret  
**Tyler has changed their name to TyJo**  
 **TyJo:** It felt weird not having a nickname. Who all is here?  
**Satan:** roll call? Name, pronouns, partner(s)??  
**Satan:** Brendon, he/him, Ryan and Dallon  
**RyRo:** Ryan, he/him, Brendon and Dallon  
**Dally long legs:** Dallon, he/him, Brendon and Ryan  
**Meme_Boi:** Pete, he/him, Patrick and Mikey  
**Alien_Fren** : ohhhh  
**Fedorable** : Patrick, he/him, Pete and Mikey  
**UnicornBoi** : Mikey, they/them, Patrick and Pete  
**Meme_Boi:** wait you’re nb?  
**UnicornBoi** : yee  
**Fedorable** : why didn’t you tell us? I’ve been misgendering you this whole time! I’m so sorry!! T^T  
**UnicornBoi:** It’s okay Tricky, you didn’t know  
**Frank:** Frank, he/him, Gee. why were we left out of the nickname party?  
**Gerard:** Gerard, he/they, Frankie. I’ll fix it  
**Gerard has changed their nickname to Geesus**  
 **Geesus has changed Frank’s name to Fronk**  
 **Satan:** Geesus? Really?  
**Geesus** : someone needs to balance out the fact satan is here.  
**Alien_Fren:** my turn! Josh, he/him, Tyler  
**TyJo:** Tyler, he/they, Josh  
**Fronk:** so now we all know each other.


	2. why am i doing this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from this point forward this is based off my group chat that i have with my fren TJ who helped write this and our fren Ash, who doesn't know this is happening.

**UnicornBoi** : hi  
**Geesus:** why are you awake it is 3:47 am  
**UnicornBoi** : i can't get comfortable. Why are you up  
**Geesus:** insomnia.  
**UnicornBoi:** oh  
**Fronk:** and I'm up bc gees up  
**UnicornBoi:** I'm so bony :c  
**Fronk:** oof  
**UnicornBoi** : how do I surgically attach pillows to my body  
**Geesus** : I'm not a surgeon m8  
**UnicornBoi** : I’ll just staple em on  
**Fronk** : MIKEY NO  
**UnicornBoi** : pls im so bony  
**Geesus:** mikey pls no  
**UnicornBoi** : I’m superglueing pillows to myself and that’s final  
**Fedorable:** mikey, no  
**UnicornBoi** : nevermind, i wont do that  
**Fronk:** whipped  
**UnicornBoi:** stfu

 

 **Meme_Boi:** I always forget how gay i am until I scroll through my photo gallery  
**Satan:** A big hetero hello to all of you  
**Alien_Fren:** *curtsies*  
**Dally long legs:** I AM SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP AND YOU ARE GOING TO COMRPOMISED MY MISSION  
**TyJo:** “comrpomised”  
**Dally long legs** : can it, TyHoe  
**TyJo** : :0  
**TyJo changed their nickname to TyHoe**  
 **Alien_Fren:** how tall is everyone here? I’m 5’9  
**TyHoe:** I’m 5’9 too!!  
**Satan:** same  
**RyRo:** 5’11  
**Fronk** : 5’6 im short  
**Geesus** : ayy i’m 5’9 too  
**UnicornBoi** : i’m 5’10  
**Geesus** : does that mean i cant call you my little brother  
**UnicornBoi:** yes  
**Meme_Boi:** 5’6  
**Fedorable** : 5’5  
**Dally long legs** : 6’3  
**Fronk:** JESUS FUCK DALLON  
**Fedorable:** that is above the legal height limit. I wont report you though bc were frens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im the bony one, ash is too tall for most things  
> our heights in case youre curious  
> ash: 6'4 taller than dallon wtf  
> TJ: 5'6  
> Me: 4'11. i dont want to fucking talk about it.


	3. is anyone even going to read this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i mention suicide once. not an attempt or anything, just the word, but be careful all the same

**Fronk:** WHY THE FUCK IS THE CHEM LAB ON FIRE  
**UnicornBoi:** woops  
**Satan** : the sprinklers just turned on  
**RyRo:** Pray for my eyeliner  
**Geesus** : Pray for my eyeliner  
**Meme_Boi:**  Pray for my eyeliner  
**Fedorable:** Jinx

  
**Alien_Fren:** I NEED TO BE STOPPED  
**Alien_Fren:** I COULDNT REMEMBER THE NAME BOWSER AND I CALLED HIM BDSM TURTLE PLS EUTHANIZE ME  
**Geesus:** what in suicidal ideation  
**Satan:** what in damnation  
**RyRo:** I lov3 that phrase  
**Dally long legs:** “lov3” scene kid detected  
**RyRo:** wait no  
**Fronk:** XD follow me on myspace xXbl00dy_r1stsXx XD XD XD!!!!1!!1!!!  
**Geesus:** frank no  
**UnicornBoi:** BEGONE THOT  
**Fronk:** rawr XD  
**Alien_Fren:** the power of geesus compels you  
**Fronk:** Gee doesn’t have any power, isn’t that right Gee?  
**UnicornBoi:** I don’t need a glimpse into my older brothers relationship thanks

 **Satan:** Dendrophilia. Some people want to fuck trees.  
**Dally long legs:** is this evan hansen?  
**Meme_Boi:** that’s taking wood to a whole new level  
**Fedorable:** pete no  
**RyRo:** “I’m sending pictures of the most amazing trees” ;)  
**Fedorable:** oh god

 **UnicornBoi:** AAAAAAA  
**TyHoe:** you seem to be distressed  
**UnicornBoi** : _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_  
**Alien_Fren** : it seems you were right TyTy  
**UnicornBoi** : _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_  
**Meme_Boi** : hi welcome to chilis  
**UnicornBoi** : AAAAAAAAAstopsayingilooklikechickenlittlehesdumbandacowardandiamNOTacowardAAAAAAAAAAA  
**Fedorable** : mikey whats wrong  
**UnicornBoi** : ask frank and gee  
**Fedorable** : oh dear  
**Meme_Boi** : FRANK ANTHONY IERO JR. AND GERARD ARTHUR WAY WHAT DID YOU TWO DO TO MY BOY  
**Fronk** : its not my fault he doesnt know how to knock  
**Fedorable** : my poor ace eyes, i should not have to read such things  
**UnicornBoi** : that’s how i feel. i said I DONT NEED A GLIMPSE INTO MY BROTHERS RELATIONSHIP THANKS


	4. Cattos and such

**Alien_Fren:** MY CAT IS CHARGED AND READY FOR BATTLE

 **Alien_Fren** : 

**TyHoe:** jishwa please it’s too early 

**Fronk:** it’s 2 pm??

**UnicornBoi:** I agree with TyTy on this one

**TyHoe:** only jish gets to call me tyty

**Geesus:** UUUUUUUGGHHH

**Fedorable:** whats wrong gee? 

**UnicornBoi:** we’re out of coffee

**Fronk:** OMW 

**Geesus:** my savior

**UnicornBoi:** Pete, why dont you treat me like this? 

**Fedorable:** what about me?

**UnicornBoi:** you do treat me like this tricky

**Meme_Boi:** well you see its because im broke 

**UnicornBoi:** a valid reason, youre excused

**Satan:** FRANK WHAT THE FUCK 

**Fronk:** it was necessary. You were in the way of gee getting caffeine

**RyRo:** pls dont shove my boyfriend into the road again

**Satan:** I ALMOST GOT HIT BY A CAR

**Fronk:** serves you right for being stan 

**Dally long legs:** stan? 

**Satan:** OH YEAH STAN GREAT GUY

**Satan has changed their nickname to Stan**

**RyRo:** i love stan

 **Stan:** stan loves you too

 **Stan:** stan loves everyone

 **Meme_Boi:** even me?

 **Stan:** no

 **Meme_Boi:** oh

 **fronk:** stan doesnt love people with stupid cologne names

 **Meme_Boi:** dont diss bone daddy

**Meme_Boi has changed their nickname to BoneDaddy**

**Fedorable:** every day i wake up and think "what did i do to deserve being added to this chat?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit, I only changed Pete's name because I was sick of going through the effort of typing an underscore.  
> Ash was pushed into the street by me. TJ needs caffeine daily.


	5. Hewwo UwU

**UnicornBoi:** why does significant other mean married? its just another person in your life whos significant

 **Fronk:** idk

 **TyHoe:** i have a really big bowl made out of magazine paper thats more like a pot and idk what to do with it

 **Stan:** make pasta

 **TyHoe:** i mean like a flower pot

 **Alien_Fren:** plant a cactus

 **TyHoe:** i like that idea. brendon, i think you might have missed the part of it being made of paper

 **Stan:** no i definitely got that

 **TyHoe:** me: i have a paper bowl thats like a pot you: mAkE pAsTa 

 **Stan:** yep

 

 **RyRo:** how would you describe me?

 **Geesus:** youre v gay

 **RyRo:** great start

 **BoneDaddy:** youve got more common sense than me but youre not wise yet

 **DallyLongLegs:** everyones got more common sense than you

 **BoneDaddy:** rude

 **Fedorable:** youre a great friend but youre not afraid to cut a bitch which i really like

 **RyRo:** aw thanks!

 **Fedorable:** of course!!!

 **Stan:** friend goals

 **RyRo:** shut up  _brandon_

 

 **Stan:** rude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its so short


	6. its late, im cold and tired and sick, lets do this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey guess what yall  
> i forgot most of their names.   
> its been a hot second, my bad

**Brendon:** how tf do i have a b in term 4 english? WE ARENT IN TERM 4 YET??

 **Pete:** i have missing assignments from march in biology. 

 **Mikey:** i dont remember you taking biology last year

 **Pete:** i didnt

 **Josh:** this is all well and good but wHERE ARE OUR NICKNAMES??? 

 **Gerard:** the author couldnt remember them and doesnt have them written anywhere so we dont get any, possibly just for this chapter, but possibly permanently 

 **Patrick:** sTOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL 

 **Frank:** look at my bf hes so meta

 **Dallon:** ajsjhdbejdbusianeu STOP

 **Tyler:** wow rude iTs CaLlEd FrEe SpEeCh

 **Ryan:** its too early for this

 **Brendon:** its five pm??? 

 **Ryan:** i know what i said

 

 **Pete:** the geography homework is confusing

 **Mikey:** youre face is confusing!!

 **Tyler:** OOO SICK BURN

 **Pete:** thanks

 **Mikey** **:** but i like it

 **Patrick:** me too!!

 **Pete:** is this you being flustered? bc im here for it 

 **Gerard:** his face is pretty red right now

 **Mikey:** STFU _GERALD_

 **Pete:**  aww

 **Gerard:** you did not

 **Dallon:** he most assuredly did

 **Mikey:** acibrvijhsdijhe

 **Mikey:** he"a aytaxling ne!!

 **Patrick:** leave my baby alone!!

 **Pete:** back tf off him _Jared_

 **Gerard:** how fucking dare you, Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III

 **Pete:** mikey im coming over to beat your brothers ass

 **Mikey:** cool

 **Frank:** if you do so much as look at him i will stomp you to death with my hooves

 **Gerard:** frankie,,, baby,,,, ily,,, but,,, ur like,,, 5'6 

 **Frank:** so is pete!!! i can handle him!!

 **Ryan:** STFU WE HAVE SCHOOL IN THE MORNING AND I AM TRYING TO SLEEP YOU HEATHENS

 **Tyler:**...

 **Josh:** not a word tyler

 **Tyler:** wow damn ok i didnt even say anything

**Ryan has muted all members of the chat!**

**Ryan:** stfu goodnight


	7. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while listening Northern Downpour and crying. ENJOY!!!!

**Brendon:** I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS

**Dallon** : Oh gosh. 

**Ryan** : ur a dumbass 

**Brendon:** HAVE SOME SYMPATHY IM IN PAIN

**Patrick:** did you hit your head 

**Brendon** : yes

**Mikey:** You should probably go to the hospital

**Brendon:** after food? 

**Pete:** B’s got his priorities straight

**Ryan:** BRENDON GO TO THE DOCTOR

**Brendon** : hhhhhhn  _ toast  _

**Ryan:** BRENDON U COULD B DYING

**Brendon** : eh, i had a good run

**Dallon** : Bden, go to the doctor’s. You can take your toast with. I’ll come pick you up. 

**Brendon** : UGH FINE

 

**Dallon:** Brendon has a minor concussion 

**Patrick** : thanks Dallon, you’re the best

**Dallon** : I disagree

**Ryan** : gotta agree with Patrick, ur the best

**Brendon** : i wanna squish him yknow? like, when you get angry with something for being so cute? like that.

**Ryan** : i get that

**Dallon** : B, you’re not supposed to have your phone

**Brendon** : squish is such a fun word. It looks like a made up word. squish. s q u i s h. SqUiSh. 

**Gerard** : all words are made up

**Brendon** : true… i wonder who made squish up? i want to thank them

 

**Dallon** : I’m coming to take your phone. 

**Gerard** : the word squish originated in the 1600s. 

**Brendon** : i can’t thank them? 

**Josh** : fraid not bud

**Brendon** : this is a sad sad day

**Tyler** : soz

**Brendon** : i dont need ur sarcasm 

 

**Frank** : WHY IS THERE A WORD FOR YEETING SOMEONE

**Gerard:** specifically through a window

**Patrick** : what? 

**Ryan** : defenestration. google it. 

**Patrick** : why is there a word for yeeting someone out a window

**Pete** : The more you know~

**Mikey** : UUUUUUUUUGH

**Pete** : morning sweetheart

**Patrick** : it’s 2 pm??? 

**Mikey** : Gee drank all the coffee T^T

**Pete** : omw patrick ur coming with

**Patrick** : ok then

**Mikey** : my saviors <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its like... midnight. lets go

**Pete** : Halloween is such a weird holiday

Frank: Halloween is my birthday fuck you very much

Ryan: youre trusting strangers not to kidnap your kids or poison them

Tyler: Remember kids, never take candy from a stranger. Unless its Halloween.

Josh: Never get into a strangers car, or meet up with someone from the internet you dont know at all. Unless its an Uber.

Brendon: Or Tinder 

Mikey: do you think anyone's ever gotten in an Uber to meet their Tinder date only to find that their Uber driver is their Tinder date? 

Gerard: probably 

 

Patrick: im tired

Dallon: in other news, the sky is blue. 

Ryan: um... guys? 

Mikey: yes? 

Ryan: why is the chem lab on fire again? 

Pete: My bad. 

Patrick: what did you do

Pete: long story short, when experimenting with sodium, make sure your water bottle is properly sealed.

Josh: oh god

 

Gerard: FRANK GET OFF THE ROOF

Frank: FUCK YOU YOURE NOT MY REAL DAD

Gerard: THIS IS MY HOUSE

Mikey: WHY ARE YOU TWO YELLING

Patrick: i got chocolate milk

Frank: oh nice

Gerard: please get off my roof

Frank: not until i see brendon hold up his end of our deal

Brendon: *sigh* 

Mikey: oh sick backflip dude

Frank: I FELL OFF THE ROOF

Dallon: are you ok

Frank: I DONT KNOW I THINK SO


	9. Chapter 9

I think I'm gonna finish this. Ive lost my spark, and picked up other hobbies. Maybe Ill come back to it later on with gusto, but for now Im gonna focus on music. ill leave these here though. 

Tumblr: cherry--bullets  
Instagram: cherrybulletsthekilljoy  
Twitter: Sam TamillowskiN 

see you later, maybe   
~❤ Sam


	10. I joined a new group chat so here we is bois

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm just write this as it is, you can imagine whomever you want

Kloey: I can write a fic right here, ready? There was a girl, her friend killed her, the end. 

Athena: beautiful 

Max:  **Applause**

Athena: loved the detail

Sam: 10/10 would read again

Owyn: Shakespearean tragedy

Sam: That homoerotic subtext was gr8

Kloey: BSHDVSHS

Owyn: truly your best work yet

Kloey: ooooo wanna sequel? 

Athena: yes

Kloey: then uhh her dad revived her. and then... idk... hmmm

Owyn: Penis

Max: no 

Sam: thats illegal

Owyn: dick

Kloey: thats the same thing

Owyn: no, thats richard

Sam: this chat writes like a crack fic

Max: like the one you wrote

Sam: we don't speak of that

Max: i thought it was good

TJ: this is what happens when mom leaves. @mom please come back we are but small idiots. 

Sam: no!!! once mom comes back chaos time ends. ITS CHAOS TIME FOR THE GREMLINS BABEY 

TJ: Im the head gremlin and i say its not

Sam: i shouldnt have given you the tiny hammer

TJ: my gavel now

Max: im oldest, i should have it

Sam: shut up and go back to your "Hot Dish" you Minnesotakin

Owyn: I'm youngest, i should have it

Kloey: CAN IT MITTENKIN

Sam: silence bottom

Owyn: damn cheese spawns 

Sam: silence verse 

Owyn: fuck u ur not my real mom 

Kloey: your real moms a piece of shit i should hope sam isnt your mom 

Sam: truuuuueee


End file.
